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This programme contains strong
language and adult humour.
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00:00:04,560 --> 00:00:05,560
Ooh!
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Is this a joke?
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00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,720
Yeah!
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Mm. Eurgh!
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{\an1}BELL ECHOES
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Oh, I like that!
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Wow! Oh...
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{\an1}APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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Hello, and a very warm welcome
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{\an5}to this landmark episode
in Taskmaster history.
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Today is our 100th episode.
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{\an1}CHEERING
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Over the years, 65 brave competitors
have completed over 500 tasks
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and, as a result,
I've handed out over 7,700 points
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during my time as Taskmaster.
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But I thought,
on this special occasion,
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I would shine a light on
the unsung hero of the show,
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my faithful assistant.
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Tonight's all about Alex.
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I know he gets nervous
public speaking,
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so I've prepared everything for him.
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Alex, enjoy.
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I look like a big human shrew.
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Blow the thing.
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{\an1}SQUEAKING
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Let's get on with the 100th show.
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{\an1}Your competitors are Alan Davies...
APPLAUSE
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..Desiree Burch... APPLAUSE
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..Guz Khan... APPLAUSE
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..Morgana Robinson... APPLAUSE
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..and Victoria Coren Mitchell.
APPLAUSE
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And the man who I know for a fact
talcs his bot-bot before bed,
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for the hundredth time,
please welcome little Alex Horne.
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Thanks, Greg. Hi, guys.
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I was pleased with shrew.
There's a resemblance.
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That's the hundredth time
you've introduced me.
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And it's the hundredth time
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we're going to have a bit of banter
now, aren't we? Yes.
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Well, I've done a visual
representation of the 100 episodes.
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OK. 100 yellow squares. The pink
ones are my favourite episodes.
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They're the three times
you've praised me.
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That's in the series. Oh!
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Each time, it's been good boy.
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And I wondered, cos I'm a GB,
if I could do my party trick.
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You most certainly may.
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And it's quite a good party trick.
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If you go to a party,
this is how to get it going.
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If I bend my middle finger
on my left hand,
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it makes quite a loud noise.
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{\an1}LOUD CLICK
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{\an1}GROANING
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And we're off.
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Wow...
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Do you know the weird thing
about that?
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I was just thinking I'm starting to
find your relationship quite erotic.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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And then you did that thing
with your finger, and...
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And that's the thing that ruined it?
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It was really starting to gel.
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Ooh, well, what is
the hundredth prize task?
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Fittingly, the category is the most
elegant thing beginning with G.
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Oh. Of course, they can only really
hope to bring in
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the second most elegant thing
beginning with G because you, Greg,
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are the most elegant beginning
with G by 100 miles.
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You're so elegant.
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Still, whoever brings
in the next most elegant thing
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that begins with G will be rewarded
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with a big five point hand-out
and, at the end of the episode,
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the winner will take home
five elegant G's.
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Very good. Guz Khan.
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Hello, bro. Talk to me about
elegance. What have you brought in?
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Well, this thing's really elegant.
Have a look at this. Oh, right.
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Here it is.
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Oh, my gosh!
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I was gifted this portrait
from the BBC.
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What?! Hold on, before you
start your giggling, all right?
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One of the first words that came
to me was like,
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"Psh, you're looking mad elegant,
Guz." Yeah?
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Who said that? Me to myself.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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Why do you keep bringing prizes
in that are pictures of you?
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Look, I just...
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I just want to say that
I get given this stuff, yeah? Yeah.
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And then I see it matches the task.
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It is pretty elegant. Mm-hm.
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I mean, I feel like
I should score him down
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because he keeps
celebrating himself.
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Yeah, I think people who have
portraits of themselves,
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Greg, that's... Yeah.
It's A bit much sometimes. True.
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Good point well made.
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Um, Alan.
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When we used to make the television
programme QI at the now-defunct
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London Studios,
they gave me a dressing gown.
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See? It's a G.
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And, honestly, it's the most elegant
thing I could find.
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Here it is.
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OK.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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I mean, if we could've not seen
the image...
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..Alan was riding high.
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I was talking a good game, wasn't I?
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Yeah. But see it says AD, that's me.
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But to try and make it
a little bit more elegant,
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I have added a brooch.
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Inexpensive, but quite stylish.
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It's a tatty dressing gown.
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LAUGHING: It's a tatty
dressing gown...
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Desiree. Yes? Can you beat a
moth-eaten dressing gown...
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Yeah, I can.
..that smells of farts? Yeah.
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No, no, no, it's laundered.
Freshly laundered.
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OK.
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What I brought in is a gardenia,
and... Oh, OK.
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Yes, gardenia. It's one of my
favourite flowers, it's iconic,
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it smells incredible, it is
so finicky - it wants sunlight,
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but also humidity, and no draughts,
and it's totally worth it
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when you actually have one
sitting in a room.
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Do you know what I'm hearing? What?
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You talk a good game,
but you've brought a flower in.
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Yes, I did. But you said elegant.
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I didn't bring in a farty
dressing gown. It's not farty!
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I brought in nature's...
It's clean! ..elegance.
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Alan... Alan, I can smell
it from here.
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OK, Morgana?
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So I've brought in
a Christmas decoration.
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Uh-oh.
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It's a giraffe. And it's glass,
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so you get two G's for your money,
and it means a lot to me. OK.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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DESIREE: Oh, my gosh, I love it!
I love it so much, it's on point.
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Oh, my God! Thank you.
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As if a giraffe
could be any more elegant,
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put some ballet shoes on it.
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ALAN: It's got a stunted neck.
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GUZ: Yeah, is that...?
That's a horse.
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I mean, arguably, the most elegant
characteristic of the giraffe
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is the neck.
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And that... Guz is right.
That's a curious horse.
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Victoria, can you beat
the worst thing I've ever seen?
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I think so. I've brought a home-made
thing, which is a toy that I made.
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And I wasn't actually expecting it
to be elegant.
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Let's go. Home-made elegance?
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Here we go. Good luck, Victoria.
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{\an1}MORGANA GASPS
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Thank you.
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And I sewed that.
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I feel like you've lost your mind.
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No.
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What I thought I was making was
the character Mr Greedy.
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But it came out so elegant,
it is in fact Greedy Esquire.
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It's a one-eyed testicle.
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Victoria, listen,
across this series,
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you have been consistently
a sensational bullshitter.
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But even you can't
get your way out of this.
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Right, then, Greg.
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OK.
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It's really hard cos I have a huge
wave of affection
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for Mr Greedy Esquire.
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I have a huge amount of affection
for the short-necked ballet giraffe.
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I think Desiree's is the worst.
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One point. Lovely.
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Now, at the top of the tree,
no problem. Ah.
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I mean, the man's an egomaniac,
but he's an elegant one.
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Congratulations, Guz. Five points.
Incredible.
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Two points, but much admiration,
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to Mr Greedy Esquire.
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Three points, unbelievably,
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to a short-necked giraffe.
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And even more unbelievably,
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I'm going to give four
points to Alan
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and, and I've got to be honest
with you all,
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I don't feel great about it.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
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There we go - five points
to Guz Khan.
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{\an1}APPLAUSE
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Off we go.
Let's get this party started.
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Yes, please,
and what's a party without cake?
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Mm.
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Hello, Alex. You all right, mate?
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Yes, please.
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Stuff of nightmares. I mean,
every time I see one of these,
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I'm just like, "What kind of
insanity will this throw me into?"
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{\an1}LAUGHS
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You guys are dumb!
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Sit on a cake.
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00:08:27,560 --> 00:08:28,920
Sit on a cake?
187
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Fastest wins.
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Fastest wins. So it's not
really about baking a cake, is it?
189
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There are five bonus points
for the best cake.
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Are you giving points for if I went
and sourced a Victoria sponge
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from somewhere posh?
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Or what it looks like after my ass
has smushed it to pieces?
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A point for the best cake.
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00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:53,200
Time starts now?
195
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Sit on a cake!
196
00:08:59,040 --> 00:09:02,000
I'm fascinated, Desiree,
that you always read the task,
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00:09:02,040 --> 00:09:05,440
I've noticed, and are surprised
when it's something silly.
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{\an1}LAUGHTER
199
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:13,360
I mean, I guess I'm just surprised
by the level of silly. I don't know.
200
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,000
Sit on a cake?
201
00:09:15,040 --> 00:09:16,840
Let's see how they did. Right.
202
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:18,960
Morgana and Guz are up first.
203
00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:22,200
Will they have their cake
and SEAT it? Let's find out.
204
00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,560
Have you got any cakes
hanging around?
205
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,600
Well, there's always a cake in
the Taskmaster premises. Is there?
206
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,160
You got any cakes in here?
207
00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,000
There's always a cake on the
Taskmaster premises somewhere.
208
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,360
Thanks, buddy.
209
00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,080
Is there a cake in here?
210
00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,280
I don't know.
211
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,160
Or are there...? Like, is there
a secret cake room?
212
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,000
Pardon?
213
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,440
A secret cake room?
There might be a secret cake room.
214
00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,880
It's the kind of thing you guys do.
215
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:48,760
I'm looking for cakes. Right.
216
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:51,400
There's ingredients for a cake,
but this is about time,
217
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,720
so there's no point baking
a cake from scratch.
218
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,960
Well, I'm just going to
make one then. OK.
219
00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,080
Fastest wins. Oh, Jesus.
220
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,480
It's a very loose show
with loose definitions.
221
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:06,160
Uh-huh. So what I would say is,
one might be able to make a cake
222
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:08,040
out of something
with a pre-existing base.
223
00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:09,560
Yeah, I reckon that's tonnes.
224
00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:12,480
Science is key.
225
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,720
If you follow the rules of science,
226
00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:16,320
you'll get a lovely rise.
227
00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:19,816
Less finessing. Shall we finesse it
a little bit more?
228
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,360
Well, there's five bonus points
for the best cake.
229
00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:26,960
I don't think it's supposed
to look like that.
230
00:10:27,000 --> 00:10:30,160
I believe you get fibre from these.
That's breakfast cereal.
231
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,120
So now what you have here, bro,
is texture.
232
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:33,520
Very important for a cake.
233
00:10:33,560 --> 00:10:35,120
I learnt that on Instagram.
234
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:38,640
You're up to 35 minutes.
Rome wasn't built in a day.
235
00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:40,520
How many candles do you like, Alex?
236
00:10:40,560 --> 00:10:42,040
I'm 42.
237
00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,080
These can represent
the two bit of it.
238
00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:46,400
It's going in. How long are
they going in for, Morgana?
239
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:47,680
A bit.
240
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:49,080
A bit? A bit of time?
241
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:56,640
Happy 40... There were meant to be
two, but 42nd birthday, bro.
242
00:10:57,840 --> 00:10:59,120
WHISPERS: Happy birthday.
243
00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:01,560
I mean,
it says to bake for 20 minutes.
244
00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:04,000
That'll be noon. Yeah.
245
00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:07,560
The incredible teapot cake.
246
00:11:11,560 --> 00:11:13,880
That was really satisfying, bro.
247
00:11:13,920 --> 00:11:17,000
Well, I've stopped the clock,
but you can carry on if you want.
248
00:11:17,040 --> 00:11:19,560
Oh, my God. Look at this shit.
249
00:11:19,600 --> 00:11:20,600
Look at this!
250
00:11:22,640 --> 00:11:24,800
It's almost too high.
251
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:26,760
How long are we at now?
Hour and ten.
252
00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
253
00:11:32,120 --> 00:11:33,720
Wow!
254
00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:40,960
Here she goes.
255
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,360
It's surprisingly nice.
256
00:11:56,360 --> 00:11:57,760
Stop the clock?
257
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:06,960
I'm no expert, Morgana,
258
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:10,000
but I'm fairly certain there's
a market for that video.
259
00:12:11,600 --> 00:12:12,800
Well, we did eat the cake.
260
00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:15,400
Is that bad? It was quite nice.
Yeah. Wasn't it?
261
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:17,320
Quite the party we had, was it?
262
00:12:17,360 --> 00:12:20,480
I found both of your attempts
quite stressful.
263
00:12:20,520 --> 00:12:22,920
I thought we were going to have
to be picking bits of teapot
264
00:12:22,960 --> 00:12:25,280
out of Guz's backside...
Yeah. ..at one point.
265
00:12:25,320 --> 00:12:27,880
And then you came in with
a sparkler on top of your cake,
266
00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:29,320
and I thought, OK. That was spicy.
267
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:31,080
This is, like, medieval now.
268
00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:34,760
Now, was Guz's a cake?
Well, that's up to you.
269
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:37,800
A cake is usually a round mass
of food that is baked or fried.
270
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,280
Croissants is baked, ain't it? Yeah.
271
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,240
But also croissants is croissants.
272
00:12:41,280 --> 00:12:44,440
It's a teacake. It's a teapot cake.
Thank you, Morgs.
273
00:12:44,480 --> 00:12:46,720
I mean, it was just sit on a cake,
fastest wins.
274
00:12:46,760 --> 00:12:49,680
He sat on his "cake"
in seven minutes, 27 seconds.
275
00:12:49,720 --> 00:12:51,960
Whoa. But... How long did it take
you to bake that?
276
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:53,720
Don't. About three weeks.
277
00:12:53,760 --> 00:12:56,520
But look at the results! I mean,
that cake was majestic. Thank you.
278
00:12:56,560 --> 00:12:58,856
But it did take her as long
as it would take to go to France
279
00:12:58,880 --> 00:13:01,040
and sit on a gateaux -
one hour, 45.
280
00:13:01,080 --> 00:13:03,080
And as she so succinctly put it,
281
00:13:03,120 --> 00:13:06,120
"If you follow the rules of science,
you'll get a lovely rise."
282
00:13:07,680 --> 00:13:11,120
{\an5}Sorry, everybody. I'm afraid
I've got some very bad news.
283
00:13:11,160 --> 00:13:12,720
It's the end of part one.
284
00:13:22,520 --> 00:13:23,680
Oh, hello.
285
00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:26,880
{\an5}Welcome back to our
Taskmaster centenary.
286
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:29,760
{\an5}It's my party,
and I'll cry if I want to.
287
00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:31,840
The current task is a simple task.
288
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:34,160
Sit on a cake. Fastest wins.
289
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,960
Guz and Morgana had a good old sit,
290
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,640
now for the attempts of Alan Davies
and Victoria Sponge.
291
00:13:41,280 --> 00:13:42,480
Your time starts now.
292
00:13:46,080 --> 00:13:49,600
Just need to find a cake.
Or something that looks like a cake.
293
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:51,480
Art supplies, art supplies.
294
00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:52,720
Where are you going?
295
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,960
I'm going inside to make a cake. OK.
296
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,920
What's that, Victoria?
It's a flapjack.
297
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:03,360
I always carry them.
298
00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:05,640
I have flapjacks with me
at all times.
299
00:14:05,680 --> 00:14:06,680
Just in case.
300
00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,320
What flavour of cake do you
think this is? It's lemon.
301
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:14,840
It's a lemon cake, look at it.
302
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:16,440
That's a ridiculous question.
303
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:19,880
What I've done there is
a little bit of piping.
304
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:24,240
♪ Happy birthday to you
305
00:14:24,280 --> 00:14:26,080
♪ Happy birthday Taskmaster
306
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,720
♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪
307
00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:32,880
Really good fun. Yeah.
308
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,280
But it's a cake, isn't it?
309
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,120
Everything that's not, you know,
meat and vegetables is a cake,
310
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:38,720
isn't it? I'll write that down.
311
00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:45,880
Another fascinating example of
312
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:49,240
Victoria assuming that her way
of living is the norm.
313
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,720
"Yes, I always carry a flapjack
with me at all times."
314
00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:53,216
I mean, I can vouch for that.
That is true.
315
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:54,816
She has arrived every time
with flapjacks,
316
00:14:54,840 --> 00:14:56,640
and on this occasion,
it was very useful.
317
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,320
The rest of us aren't carrying
a flapjack with us at all times.
318
00:14:59,360 --> 00:15:01,920
Well, more fool you.
I mean... Yeah.
319
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:04,160
No, I just think it's
an incredible ability you've got,
320
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,240
to normalise eccentric behaviour.
321
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,960
No, but I... I think if I went for
a dinner with you
322
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:10,760
and you said, "Right, shall we?"
323
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:14,160
And then you shaved off both your
eyebrows, I would just do the same.
324
00:15:16,200 --> 00:15:19,560
This is how it's done in Victoria's
house, so off... off they go.
325
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,400
Off they go. Yeah.
326
00:15:21,440 --> 00:15:23,360
Alan, not a cake is my argument.
327
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,520
Ah. Wow. I was very preoccupied with
the speed thing.
328
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:28,696
I thought, well, obviously
they don't want you to bake a cake,
329
00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:29,920
that's ridiculous.
330
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:34,080
And I live a bit of an abnormal life
where I don't have cakes in my bag.
331
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,040
You weren't that preoccupied
with the speed.
332
00:15:36,080 --> 00:15:37,600
You were second slowest. Oh, was I?
333
00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,000
He was 11 minutes, 55 seconds,
334
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,480
compared to Victoria's
25 second attempt.
335
00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,160
So actually that's
the longest gap between me
336
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:50,480
and finding a cake in the last
seven or eight years, so...
337
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:51,920
..I'm ashamed.
338
00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:54,400
All right, then. Who's next?
There's one person left.
339
00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,800
It's Desiree's turn to try to be
the fastest to sit on a cake.
340
00:15:57,840 --> 00:16:00,000
Where's the damn cakes?
Where are the cakes?
341
00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:02,056
Where are you hiding cakes?
I mean, should I, like...?
342
00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:04,080
I've got to find the cake?
343
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,280
All the information...
Yeah, I know.
344
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,920
MOCKING: All the information
is on the...
345
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:09,320
Sit on a cake!
346
00:16:09,360 --> 00:16:11,160
Really? Aw, Jesus.
347
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,280
Does this kitchen have
anything in it?
348
00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:14,880
Sit on a cake.
349
00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:17,280
Where are you hiding cake?
350
00:16:17,320 --> 00:16:19,920
Do I have to make the cake first?!
351
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:22,600
Oh, fuck you
if that's the right answer.
352
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:24,840
All right, we got to start
eliminating rooms.
353
00:16:24,880 --> 00:16:27,160
This is probably the last one
it would be in.
354
00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:29,680
Ugh...
355
00:16:31,920 --> 00:16:33,200
Do these come up?
356
00:16:34,240 --> 00:16:35,800
Is this the loo of this place?
357
00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:39,680
Oh. Ha!
358
00:16:39,720 --> 00:16:42,040
{\an1}LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY
359
00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:47,640
Oh, really, is that so?
360
00:16:47,680 --> 00:16:48,680
Oh!
361
00:16:48,720 --> 00:16:50,400
{\an1}LAUGHS
362
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:54,120
OK.
363
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:55,640
It's been sat.
364
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:59,640
I mean, is this what a winner
looks like or what?
365
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:04,680
Happy 100th birthday, man.
366
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,280
You look great.
367
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,040
Pays to moisturise.
368
00:17:08,080 --> 00:17:10,080
{\an1}APPLAUSE
369
00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,600
Wow. Textbook cake sitting.
370
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:20,680
I read "sit on a cake"
as find a cake and then sit on it.
371
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:22,640
This is going to be a bit tricky
372
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:26,120
because that was one spectacular
cake that she found.
373
00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,080
But it was made of shaving foam,
so was that a real cake?
374
00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,680
Certainly helps me
if it's considered a real cake.
375
00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,440
Yeah, yeah, you're right.
You're right.
376
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:34,856
I am going to say that's
a real cake,
377
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:38,440
and that means that old paper bag
boy slips under the net as well.
378
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:40,536
Well, in that case,
Morgana was the slowest obviously
379
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,040
cos she took nearly two hours.
380
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,160
Alan, 12 minutes pretty much.
381
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:45,640
Guz, seven minutes, 27.
382
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,320
Desiree, two minutes 45
to find the cake.
383
00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:51,280
She searched fast, but nowhere near
as fast as Victoria's 25 seconds.
384
00:17:51,320 --> 00:17:53,600
So five points to Victoria
first of all. Oh.
385
00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:55,160
{\an1}APPLAUSE
386
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,640
At last.
387
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:58,320
So what's the best cake?
388
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:00,360
Well, I don't see that
I have a choice,
389
00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:04,160
and I sort of feel sorry for Desiree
in a way because she found our cake.
390
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:07,320
But, I mean, there's no doubt
what the most spectacular cake was.
391
00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,400
Morgana Robinson. Fair enough.
392
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:12,480
Well done, Morgana.
Five bonus points. Thank you.
393
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,240
It was worth the two hours
slaving away.
394
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:16,440
Scoreboard, please.
Well, she did the best cake
395
00:18:16,480 --> 00:18:19,360
and she's now in the lead.
With nine points, it's Morgana.
396
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:20,960
{\an1}APPLAUSE
397
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:24,640
Let us press on.
398
00:18:24,680 --> 00:18:28,600
Let's, and this team task
is a load of balls.
399
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,440
OK, Morgana, you're number one.
Please read the task.
400
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:55,920
Get the most balls in the net.
401
00:18:57,360 --> 00:18:59,000
Oh.
402
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,000
Here.
403
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,480
Can you see a net?
I can't see a net.
404
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,280
Oh, I've got... There's a net here.
You've got a net there? Yeah.
405
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,280
I suppose the balls are in here.
406
00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:10,120
Everyone must stay on their
spots at all times.
407
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:20,040
If anyone other than the task
reader - that's me...
408
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:23,600
..touches or handles a ball,
409
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:26,480
you lose five balls
from your ball total.
410
00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:31,240
So only you can hold balls.
So I can only touch balls. Yeah.
411
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:32,680
{\an1}LAUGHTER
412
00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:34,800
Oh. Look at me! Mm-hm.
413
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:39,000
Also the person on the middle spot
must sit for ten seconds
414
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:42,920
and then stand up straight
for ten seconds on repeat.
415
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:45,720
Sit for ten, stand for ten. Yeah?
416
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,720
Any balls remaining
between the task reader
417
00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:54,640
and the middle person will be
deducted from your ball total.
418
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:56,120
You have five minutes.
419
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:58,440
Don't read the next line.
Don't read the next line.
420
00:19:58,480 --> 00:20:00,240
Will you just read it again, please?
421
00:20:01,760 --> 00:20:06,480
Any balls remaining between the
task reader and the middle person -
422
00:20:06,520 --> 00:20:10,600
so between me and Guz - will be
deducted from your ball total.
423
00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:14,640
Your time starts when Alex pretends
his whistle isn't working.
424
00:20:14,680 --> 00:20:17,520
OK, team, there are 100 balls
to play with. Good luck.
425
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:18,840
WEAK WHISTLE Oh.
426
00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,136
So, I guess you just...
Sorry, sorry, my whistle's broken.
427
00:20:21,160 --> 00:20:22,560
Oh, has it? OK, great.
428
00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:26,760
Mm-hm. A lot of rules, Greg. Yes.
429
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:29,080
So many rules. Yes.
Pretty straightforward?
430
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:31,376
Got to get balls from one end of
the corridor to the other.
431
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:32,640
Avoid the person in the middle.
432
00:20:32,680 --> 00:20:34,456
Get them in the net.
Person in the middle. Yeah.
433
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,240
Smashing. Plop, plop, plop.
434
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:38,096
OK, we're going to see
the team of three first.
435
00:20:38,120 --> 00:20:39,160
Here's how they got on.
436
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:41,000
Plop, plop, plop.
437
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,440
We need to get the most
balls in here.
438
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:47,360
Uh, we lose a point per ball
of any that land between you two.
439
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:49,520
Why don't you just throw that
net down over here?
440
00:20:49,560 --> 00:20:51,320
I kind of feel like it... Ten!
441
00:20:51,360 --> 00:20:52,360
You've got to get up.
442
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:54,800
GUZ: Thank you, Dee.
443
00:20:54,840 --> 00:20:55,880
No worries.
444
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:00,240
Ten!
445
00:21:00,280 --> 00:21:03,920
Aw, yeah, you got it. Yes.
You must sit down. Huh?
446
00:21:03,960 --> 00:21:04,960
Ten!
447
00:21:06,120 --> 00:21:08,280
How long have I got?
Four minutes, 30.
448
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,040
I mean, I think
we're going to do this.
449
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:13,280
Yeah, it's just about fitting
balls in that. GUZ: Go on, Morgs.
450
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:14,320
Ten!
451
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,040
Oh, I know. I know what
we could do. Ten!
452
00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,960
Knives are sharp. Yes. Ten!
453
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:25,240
GUZ: Mad team, you're wrecking...
I love that.
454
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:26,400
Ten!
455
00:21:29,200 --> 00:21:31,000
Ten! Ten!
456
00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:33,320
Honestly, you're just mocking,
isn't it?
457
00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,200
WHISTLE Got it!Yes.
458
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,200
Oi-oi! Woo!
459
00:21:40,240 --> 00:21:41,920
How do you think you've done, team?
460
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,440
Got every single ball.
461
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:45,240
I mean, except for that one
that fell out.
462
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:46,280
What?!
463
00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:49,600
You were so mad about it.
464
00:21:49,640 --> 00:21:52,080
I was absolutely...
I was beside myself.
465
00:21:52,120 --> 00:21:54,840
Well, I've got to say,
it's a work of genius. Yeah.
466
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,000
As far as I can work out,
no rules were broken.
467
00:21:57,040 --> 00:21:59,920
It was a well-oiled machine. Mm.
468
00:21:59,960 --> 00:22:01,960
You're looking at me
like there was a rule broken.
469
00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,440
Well, it did say any balls
remaining between the task reader
470
00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,576
and the middle person would be
deducted from your ball total
471
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:09,800
and all of them were between the
task reader and the... middle person.
472
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:11,080
Oh...
473
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:14,800
Oh. They needed to be turned around.
Oh, no.
474
00:22:14,840 --> 00:22:16,696
The other side. So, actually,
they... They got 90.
475
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,280
You arsehole. Reading!
476
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,240
So they so they got 99 balls
in their net,
477
00:22:21,280 --> 00:22:24,120
100 balls were between them,
so you got a score of minus one.
478
00:22:24,160 --> 00:22:25,480
Wow... Wow.
479
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:30,280
So can we say the theory was genius,
but the reality is crushing?
480
00:22:30,320 --> 00:22:32,400
Yeah. That's the most sad
I've been on television.
481
00:22:32,440 --> 00:22:33,880
Well, you looked pretty sad
482
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:35,816
when you had to do a modicum
of physical exercise.
483
00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:38,480
{\an1}LAUGHTER
484
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:39,800
Advert time now.
485
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,840
Or as Channel 4 will insist
on calling it
486
00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:46,480
{\an5}"Stop slagging off our
paymasters, Greg!" time.
487
00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,400
{\an5}Hello, everyone,
and welcome back to the show.
488
00:22:59,440 --> 00:23:01,840
{\an5}Alex, please bring us up to speed
with the task in play.
489
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:05,160
1,000 wild horses wouldn't be
able to stop me.
490
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:07,296
The current team task involves
trying to get the most balls
491
00:23:07,320 --> 00:23:08,696
in the net at one end of the
corridor
492
00:23:08,720 --> 00:23:10,120
from the other end of the corridor,
493
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:12,160
with a person in the middle
getting in the way.
494
00:23:12,200 --> 00:23:14,400
Desiree, Guz, and Morgana came up
with a good technique,
495
00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:16,960
but still got minus one point.
496
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,216
For the team of two,
I got to be the piggy in the middle,
497
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:21,960
so here's how me, Vic,
and Al got on.
498
00:23:22,000 --> 00:23:23,960
Here we go.
499
00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:25,680
{\an1}BLOWS AIR
500
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,720
He's done the thing.
It isn't working.
501
00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:30,600
Ow.
502
00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:31,880
{\an1}ALAN LAUGHS
503
00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,040
Ow.
504
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,480
Oh, God.
505
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:37,080
These don't go very well.
506
00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:39,960
I can't even see them.
507
00:23:40,000 --> 00:23:42,320
Oh, can I? Have you got one?
Have you got it? Yes.
508
00:23:44,280 --> 00:23:46,760
Did that get through? Yes.
509
00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,800
Ow.
510
00:23:49,200 --> 00:23:50,640
Roll it, Alan. Roll it.
511
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,400
Ah! Wait, hold on.
512
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:54,600
Yeah.
513
00:23:54,640 --> 00:23:56,600
Ow.
514
00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:57,920
Ow. Perfect.
515
00:23:57,960 --> 00:23:59,560
Wait, wait, we got it. Ow.
516
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:02,640
Ow. Ooh! Ooh, come on.
517
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:03,680
Nice.
518
00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,520
I can't believe
I can't get any through. Oh!
519
00:24:07,560 --> 00:24:08,600
Ow.
520
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,480
Kick them, Alex. Kick them
backwards. Backwards.
521
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,320
You want me to kick them backwards?
Oh, wait.
522
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:15,920
If they touch you,
we lose points. Yes.
523
00:24:15,960 --> 00:24:18,400
Oh, then don't kick them.
Don't kick them? OK.
524
00:24:18,440 --> 00:24:19,840
Oh. Oh...
525
00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:22,200
Ow. Ooh, there we go...
526
00:24:22,240 --> 00:24:24,920
There we go. Oh, no, no, no, no,
one bounced out.
527
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:26,240
OK.
528
00:24:26,280 --> 00:24:28,280
Ooh, it's so near!
529
00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:30,600
Come on, my little pixie.
530
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,040
One minute 30 left.
531
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:34,720
I wonder why anglers have
to actually catch live fish.
532
00:24:34,760 --> 00:24:37,480
This is all the joy
and none of the trauma.
533
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:38,680
Ugh.
534
00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:40,840
Ow. Ten seconds left.
BREATHLESS: Ten seconds left.
535
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,200
Ow.
536
00:24:42,240 --> 00:24:44,360
No, no, no, no, don't come out,
don't come out. Ow.
537
00:24:44,400 --> 00:24:45,480
{\an1}WHISTLE
538
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,040
Alan. Alan, Alan...
539
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,040
I think we might get a minus score.
540
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:00,096
Just a quick reminder to everyone
541
00:25:00,120 --> 00:25:03,520
what we were watching there were
very light children's balls
542
00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,440
being tossed down
a relatively short corridor.
543
00:25:06,480 --> 00:25:10,000
I just wanted to put that in context
of Alan's exhaustion.
544
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,160
Alan started all right,
missed you a few times,
545
00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,320
but I'm worried about
the minus points here... Yes.
546
00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:18,400
..because I think they
might be colossal.
547
00:25:20,880 --> 00:25:23,400
Minus five every time
you struck me with a ball.
548
00:25:23,440 --> 00:25:24,960
I was struck 20 times.
549
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:26,400
Oh! That's minus 100.
550
00:25:26,440 --> 00:25:29,720
There were also 46 left
between me and Alan.
551
00:25:29,760 --> 00:25:32,480
You had 30 in the net,
12 left in the box.
552
00:25:32,520 --> 00:25:34,360
You got a score of minus 128.
553
00:25:34,400 --> 00:25:35,560
Well, that's humiliating.
554
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:37,800
I mean, isn't life unfair?
555
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:40,840
I get a lot of stick for not
applying the rules strictly enough
556
00:25:40,880 --> 00:25:44,520
and, on this occasion, I feel I have
to go by the letter of the law.
557
00:25:44,560 --> 00:25:47,480
I'm afraid it's zero points
all round.
558
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,160
DESIREE: Wow. Huh?
559
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:51,960
What a magnificent and futile use
of our mortal lifespan.
560
00:25:52,000 --> 00:25:54,720
What are you going to say, man?
This is a big part of your life too.
561
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,960
Are you happy with this?
I think he's... he's the guy.
562
00:25:57,000 --> 00:25:58,176
I think he makes the decisions.
563
00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,640
He will get a lot of grief for that,
and he's fine with that.
564
00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:03,560
Yeah, yeah, bring it on. Wow.
No-one achieved the task.
565
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:07,360
What can bring us back
from that awful, awful tragedy?
566
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,520
Well, Greg, you know
how you hate football?
567
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:10,680
Whoops.
568
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:24,760
OK.
569
00:26:24,800 --> 00:26:26,320
It's a lovely football.
570
00:26:26,360 --> 00:26:29,000
I'm not good at any of this stuff.
571
00:26:29,040 --> 00:26:31,800
I'm hoping that it's just
a pretend football full of sweets.
572
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:36,000
Prevent Alex from scoring a goal.
573
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,080
Alex will attempt to score
a goal in 15 minutes' time.
574
00:26:42,120 --> 00:26:47,280
And the ball and goalposts must be
on their spots when he does.
575
00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:48,760
Wait, where...?
576
00:26:48,800 --> 00:26:51,360
Oh. Ha-ha-ha... OK.
577
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:56,360
You must be 12 yards from the ball
when Alex attempts to score.
578
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,560
12 yards?
579
00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:00,720
Slowest goal score by Alex wins.
580
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:02,960
Wait, just...
581
00:27:03,000 --> 00:27:04,160
Wait, how long have I got?
582
00:27:04,200 --> 00:27:05,400
Oh, you... Wait.
583
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:07,120
Yeah, I understand
what you're saying.
584
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:08,800
Well, have you said
the last line yet?
585
00:27:08,840 --> 00:27:10,640
Yeah, I just... Mm...
586
00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:11,840
Time starts now.
587
00:27:14,000 --> 00:27:15,240
Football, Greg.
588
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:16,520
Football, it is.
589
00:27:16,560 --> 00:27:21,560
But hopefully a reinvention of, uh,
that dreary game. Mm.
590
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:23,040
Right. Who are we going to see?
591
00:27:23,080 --> 00:27:25,520
OK. This is how Desiree tried
to stop me scoring a goal.
592
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,400
I'm surprised more football teams
don't do this. Yeah.
593
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,560
There's a spot right there.
594
00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:38,080
There's a chink in the armour.
595
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,560
Oh, there are holes in it.
596
00:27:42,600 --> 00:27:44,040
Please don't get stuck.
597
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:45,080
Thank you so much.
598
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:48,600
WHISTLE OK.
599
00:27:53,480 --> 00:27:54,880
Yes!
600
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:57,120
Oh, I just realised what
I should've done.
601
00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:58,640
OK, cool. Cool, cool, cool.
602
00:27:58,680 --> 00:28:00,000
{\an1}LAUGHS
603
00:28:13,560 --> 00:28:14,720
Jesus...
604
00:28:14,760 --> 00:28:17,440
Thank you, Desiree. Thank you.
605
00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,200
GUZ: Yeah, I love that. I love that.
606
00:28:21,200 --> 00:28:23,560
Absolutely heart-breaking.
607
00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:27,120
One of the great football
tragedies of our time. Yes.
608
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:28,600
She said ten out of ten
for the idea,
609
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:30,576
six out of ten for the execution.
I think six is...
610
00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:32,136
Six out of ten is very...
Yeah, it's generous.
611
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:33,680
Very generous. Yeah.
612
00:28:33,720 --> 00:28:36,136
You also said, "I think there might
be a chink in the armour."
613
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,840
Armour was quite generous as well.
Yeah. Right. Accurate.
614
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:42,280
Who's next? Accurate.
Now for our next two goalkeepers,
615
00:28:42,320 --> 00:28:44,160
and a couple of facts
for you this time, Greg -
616
00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,120
the name Morgana means great circle
617
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:49,040
and Alan Davies once cameoed as
celebrity chef Otto Clark
618
00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:50,280
in Hotel Babylon.
619
00:28:50,320 --> 00:28:52,080
And here's how
they got on in the task.
620
00:28:57,760 --> 00:28:58,760
Et voila.
621
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:05,040
Definitely harder now.
622
00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:10,080
You could still score
this side though.
623
00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:15,040
Can you Google how long is...?
How long is a ya...? Uh...
624
00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,640
12 yards in metres, please.
625
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:19,480
It's 10.973 metres.
626
00:29:21,240 --> 00:29:22,800
A foot isn't a yard, is it?
627
00:29:22,840 --> 00:29:24,360
This is going to scupper me.
628
00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:26,360
10.973 metres?
629
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:29,200
Down she goes.
630
00:29:30,360 --> 00:29:31,360
One...
631
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:36,880
Two...
632
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:39,760
Could make a coffee table
out of this.
633
00:29:41,080 --> 00:29:42,560
Ugh, six.
634
00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:46,280
Eight.
635
00:29:57,600 --> 00:30:04,080
10.97...
636
00:30:05,960 --> 00:30:07,320
{\an1}WHISTLE
637
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:09,000
Are you ready for me to go?
638
00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,840
I'm going to try to hit it off
the fence.
639
00:30:10,880 --> 00:30:14,240
You're going to have to de...
defect... de... deflect.
640
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:15,720
Go, Alex...
641
00:30:19,480 --> 00:30:20,880
{\an1}ALEX STRAINS
642
00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:21,960
Ooh!
643
00:30:27,240 --> 00:30:28,600
Oh!
644
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:37,240
Argh! You're just doing your best,
that's all you can do.
645
00:30:37,280 --> 00:30:38,280
I'm doing my best.
646
00:30:40,160 --> 00:30:42,520
Oh! Ooh!
647
00:30:42,560 --> 00:30:44,880
Argh! No.
648
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,480
Oh. Oh, that was a good save.
649
00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:50,280
Ah.
650
00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:51,800
What's going on here?
651
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:57,640
No! Did it cross the line?
652
00:30:57,680 --> 00:30:59,080
I think the cow saved it.
653
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,400
Oh, no.
654
00:31:08,240 --> 00:31:10,520
Oh!
655
00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:12,280
Argh!
656
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:13,400
No.
657
00:31:14,840 --> 00:31:16,000
Gargh!
658
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,200
Oh... it's in.
659
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,800
BOTH PANTING
Well done.Well done, you.
660
00:31:26,840 --> 00:31:29,000
What's in here?
661
00:31:29,040 --> 00:31:30,920
Oh, my God!
662
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:33,640
Outrageous, outrageous, outrageous!
663
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:35,120
Ooh, no!
664
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:36,440
No, sorry.
665
00:31:41,480 --> 00:31:43,680
{\an1}APPLAUSE
666
00:31:45,400 --> 00:31:49,360
So entertaining. A new sport
genuinely has been born, I think.
667
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:52,760
It largely was an exercise in metric
conversion for you, wasn't it?
668
00:31:52,800 --> 00:31:54,040
Most of it.
669
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:57,640
I sense that Alan and you
were there for hours.
670
00:31:57,680 --> 00:31:59,280
We were basically wrestling
by the end.
671
00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:02,040
That's what it felt like.
It did. Yeah.
672
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,600
Come in for your tea
when it gets dark.
673
00:32:04,640 --> 00:32:08,280
I took, really, nine minutes,
47 to score against Alan. Right.
674
00:32:08,320 --> 00:32:10,880
Uh, with Morgana, ten minutes,
five altogether.
675
00:32:10,920 --> 00:32:12,760
So she was the slowest so far.
676
00:32:12,800 --> 00:32:16,360
Right. We've hammered through three
quarters of our hundredth episode,
677
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:18,840
{\an5}so get the kids to bed,
we'll finish the show
678
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:20,240
and then we can have a bit of...
679
00:32:20,280 --> 00:32:21,760
WHISPERS: you and me time.
680
00:32:31,800 --> 00:32:34,080
Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster.
681
00:32:34,120 --> 00:32:35,560
It's the final part of the show
682
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,920
{\an5}and there's one task that isn't
quite finished.
683
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:39,000
You're totally right.
684
00:32:39,040 --> 00:32:40,976
They're all trying to stop me
from scoring a goal.
685
00:32:41,000 --> 00:32:43,000
I've already scored three,
so bad luck, everyone.
686
00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:44,920
Will it be 5-0 to Alex United?
687
00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,360
Well, that's up to Victoria and Guz.
688
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:50,280
How good are you at football?
689
00:32:50,320 --> 00:32:52,560
If there was nothing in the way,
what are your chances?
690
00:32:52,600 --> 00:32:55,360
I would back myself to score a goal.
691
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:59,160
Yeah, it has to be on the spot.
Yeah. The spot can move? Oh.
692
00:32:59,200 --> 00:33:01,336
It didn't say anything
about the spot having not to move.
693
00:33:01,360 --> 00:33:02,360
Are you sure?
694
00:33:04,080 --> 00:33:05,640
I need to prop it on something.
695
00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:07,320
Does this move?
696
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:08,720
If the spot isn't on the spot,
697
00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:10,336
then there's some kind
of null and void...
698
00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:12,736
I don't know what the legal term
is, but there must be some kind
699
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,280
of null and void situation
going on here, brother.
700
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:20,200
Oh, my word... I'll pop him...
On there?
701
00:33:20,240 --> 00:33:21,280
Oh, my God.
702
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,200
You all right, Guz?
Yeah, all right, mate.
703
00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:25,320
Where's the spot?
704
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:29,000
The ball's on the spot.
The ball's on the spot? Yeah.
705
00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:32,600
OK. Good luck.
706
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,120
If you score a goal from there,
I'll give you £100.
707
00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:46,840
That's your time up, Guz.
WHISTLE
708
00:33:46,880 --> 00:33:48,000
OK!
709
00:33:49,840 --> 00:33:50,840
Uh...
710
00:34:03,560 --> 00:34:05,760
Hello, Guz?
711
00:34:05,800 --> 00:34:07,240
Can you let me in?
712
00:34:07,280 --> 00:34:08,400
Uh, no.
713
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:15,160
Now, you've got to stay 12 yards
from the ball. Yeah.
714
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,120
The ball's got to stay
on the spot. Yeah.
715
00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:18,920
But you moved the spot. Yeah.
716
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,840
So I'm going to move the spot.
Huh? You can do that?
717
00:34:21,880 --> 00:34:23,280
Well, you did it.
718
00:34:35,280 --> 00:34:36,640
Oh, that was a good save.
719
00:34:58,080 --> 00:34:59,120
OK!
720
00:35:04,320 --> 00:35:05,480
You didn't even move.
721
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:13,760
Good going, Guz. No, well done.
Thank you. I liked that game.
722
00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:22,960
Oh! No!
723
00:35:23,000 --> 00:35:24,360
No, no, no, no!
724
00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,840
How did you do that?
725
00:35:27,880 --> 00:35:29,200
Well, I kicked it over it.
726
00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:32,640
SLOW MOTION: Oh!
727
00:35:32,680 --> 00:35:34,560
No!
728
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,240
No, no, no, no!
729
00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:42,240
I should've stood in the goal,
shouldn't I? Yeah.
730
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,680
Wow, I failed that one.
731
00:35:44,720 --> 00:35:47,040
{\an1}APPLAUSE
732
00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,840
"If you score a goal from there,
I'll give you £100."
733
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:55,320
He doesn't seem like someone
who could do that.
734
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,120
No, it was a glorious lob.
735
00:35:57,160 --> 00:35:58,976
Should I tell you how I knew
he was going to do it?
736
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:01,160
Cos of them shit flickers.
That's what.
737
00:36:01,200 --> 00:36:04,040
The plastic shoes finally earned
their place on this show.
738
00:36:04,080 --> 00:36:06,360
Specifically utilised to, yeah.
Mm. Yeah.
739
00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:07,600
I thought you'd snookered him.
740
00:36:07,640 --> 00:36:09,040
You see, snooker I'm quite good at.
741
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:10,960
Football very bad.
That's exactly it.
742
00:36:11,000 --> 00:36:12,936
I would say the barrel
wasn't that close to the ball.
743
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,456
If it had been a foot closer to the
ball, I wouldn't have been able to.
744
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:17,320
I didn't know the ball
could go upwards.
745
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:18,736
I mean, the ball
was going very slowly
746
00:36:18,760 --> 00:36:20,840
and there was time, probably,
to have just...
747
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:22,160
..stepped to your right, and...
748
00:36:22,200 --> 00:36:24,360
Never occurred to me.
No, I know. Of course not!
749
00:36:24,400 --> 00:36:26,600
And I'd have been disappointed
if you'd made an effort.
750
00:36:29,200 --> 00:36:31,520
Guz, amazing goal work.
751
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:33,600
He was getting really
out of breath too. I was.
752
00:36:33,640 --> 00:36:34,736
Yeah, you did seem out of puff.
753
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,960
Well, I'd already
burst down the front door.
754
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:39,360
That was the scariest moment
of Taskmaster.
755
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,160
Never seen him aggressive in his
life, and then he blasted that door.
756
00:36:42,200 --> 00:36:44,040
I shit myself when I was sat there.
757
00:36:44,080 --> 00:36:47,960
I mean, I can't see how Guz hasn't
absolutely walked this task. Mm.
758
00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:50,320
He hasn't. Has he not?
759
00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,056
Well, I got the ball
in about three minutes,
760
00:36:52,080 --> 00:36:53,616
and then scored in
about two and a half.
761
00:36:53,640 --> 00:36:54,800
It only took him six minutes.
762
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,920
In terms of actual time,
Desiree - quickest goal,
763
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:59,040
then Victoria,
764
00:36:59,080 --> 00:37:00,720
then Guz, then Alan.
765
00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:03,176
But Morgana was the slowest,
so she gets five points. Wow. Wow.
766
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:06,800
Who'd have thunk it?
Who'd have thunk it?
767
00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:09,616
Wonderful stuff.
Quick look at the scores?
768
00:37:09,640 --> 00:37:10,840
Well, I've got the scores
769
00:37:10,880 --> 00:37:12,840
and Morgana's in the lead
with 14 points.
770
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:19,800
OK, everybody, please
make your way to the stage
771
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:23,280
for the 100th final task
of the show!
772
00:37:30,200 --> 00:37:33,520
Yes, please. Hello. Yes, please.
A lot of balloons here.
773
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,200
100.
774
00:37:35,240 --> 00:37:37,520
Would you like someone
to read the task? I would.
775
00:37:37,560 --> 00:37:41,040
Morgana Robinson,
please could you read the task?
776
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,200
Pop the most balloons.
777
00:37:43,240 --> 00:37:48,000
You may pop between one
and ten balloons each turn.
778
00:37:48,040 --> 00:37:52,240
If you pop one of the five
bad balloons, you are disqualified.
779
00:37:52,280 --> 00:37:55,640
The eventual winner gets
ten actual points. Wow.
780
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:58,480
So it's like a dart roulette
kind of thing.
781
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:00,720
Thanks for making Alex obsolete.
782
00:38:00,760 --> 00:38:02,640
{\an1}LAUGHTER
783
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:04,080
You're welcome.
784
00:38:04,120 --> 00:38:06,840
So on your turn you can pop
between one and ten balloons.
785
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:10,240
Whoever doesn't burst a bad
balloon wins
786
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,160
and, as it's the 100th episode,
they'll get ten actual points,
787
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:15,320
which is huge. Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi.
I see.
788
00:38:15,360 --> 00:38:17,936
Everyone else will get points
based on how many balloons they pop.
789
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:21,320
Ooh... So we're going to go from the
person in last place
790
00:38:21,360 --> 00:38:23,640
to the person in first place,
so Desiree is up first.
791
00:38:23,680 --> 00:38:25,720
Please bring your hedgehog
to the table.
792
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:30,000
OK. Good luck.
793
00:38:30,040 --> 00:38:31,040
OK.
794
00:38:32,280 --> 00:38:33,880
{\an8}Oh! One good balloon.
795
00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:36,720
Ooh...
796
00:38:39,480 --> 00:38:40,880
Two good balloons.
797
00:38:40,920 --> 00:38:41,920
She's carrying on.
798
00:38:43,560 --> 00:38:47,240
Oi, oi. Three.
Three good. Three good.
799
00:38:50,600 --> 00:38:52,240
Four good.
800
00:38:52,280 --> 00:38:54,320
Yeah, that's me.
She's having a rest.
801
00:38:54,360 --> 00:38:57,360
Oh, lovely opening darts. Yeah.
802
00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,680
So, she scored four,
there are 96 balloons left,
803
00:38:59,720 --> 00:39:01,200
including the five bad ones.
804
00:39:01,240 --> 00:39:03,080
Victoria is up next.
805
00:39:03,120 --> 00:39:05,160
I've forgotten my glasses.
Who's brave now?!
806
00:39:05,200 --> 00:39:06,720
Yeah. Me.
807
00:39:08,200 --> 00:39:09,200
OK.
808
00:39:10,840 --> 00:39:12,240
{\an8}Ooh. DESIREE: Nice. A double pop.
809
00:39:12,280 --> 00:39:13,680
It was a double pop. Two.
810
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,080
Three. Wow.
811
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:21,200
Oh, my gosh, this is getting
harder and harder. Yeah.
812
00:39:21,240 --> 00:39:22,400
Three so far still.
813
00:39:25,280 --> 00:39:26,960
Oh, it's a bad! Ooh!
814
00:39:31,240 --> 00:39:33,160
Victoria, you are out of the game.
Shall I leave?
815
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:34,840
Do stay in the studio. OK.
816
00:39:36,640 --> 00:39:38,840
Next up, it's Alan.
Hello, Alan Davies. Hi.
817
00:39:38,880 --> 00:39:40,720
There are 92 balloons left, Alan.
818
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:41,840
Four baddies.
819
00:39:44,040 --> 00:39:45,920
Nice. One. One good.
820
00:39:47,120 --> 00:39:49,040
Oi. Two. Yeah.
821
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:52,320
Three. If Alan throws this next one
and it's not a bad balloon,
822
00:39:52,360 --> 00:39:53,480
I'm going to use a phrase
823
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,160
I've wanted to use on television
for many years. Ooh.
824
00:39:58,120 --> 00:40:00,440
Lovely darts. LAUGHTER
825
00:40:02,040 --> 00:40:03,200
You're on four.
826
00:40:04,720 --> 00:40:07,000
Five good balloons.
He's in the lead.
827
00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,240
Oh, he's really pushing it
though, isn't it?
828
00:40:10,640 --> 00:40:12,520
Six. Wow. Wow!
829
00:40:15,240 --> 00:40:16,640
Off he goes.
830
00:40:16,680 --> 00:40:18,840
Oh, he's bailed.
831
00:40:18,880 --> 00:40:19,960
He's bailed on seven.
832
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,680
Next up, Guz, please bring your
hedgehog to the table.
833
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:29,440
One good balloon.
834
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:30,600
Two.
835
00:40:30,640 --> 00:40:32,040
Three.
836
00:40:32,080 --> 00:40:33,160
Lovely darts. Four.
837
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,000
Nerves of steel. Yeah.
838
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:40,560
{\an8}Shall I just do a random one
for the...?
839
00:40:40,600 --> 00:40:41,640
Six.
840
00:40:43,080 --> 00:40:45,120
Seven. Guz is picking
balloons out now,
841
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:47,720
so it makes the shape of his face.
842
00:40:50,120 --> 00:40:52,160
Let's leave it.
He's leaving on eight.
843
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,640
He's in the lead. Why not?
Can I just say something else?
844
00:40:54,680 --> 00:40:56,560
That's darts.
845
00:40:56,600 --> 00:40:58,160
Morgana, it's your go.
846
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:00,520
75 balloons left, four of them bad.
847
00:41:00,560 --> 00:41:03,040
I'm sort of in the mood for just
closing my eyes and throwing.
848
00:41:03,080 --> 00:41:04,360
Goggles on.
849
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:07,600
Oh. One.
850
00:41:07,640 --> 00:41:08,920
It's maverick.
851
00:41:08,960 --> 00:41:11,600
{\an8}Two. That is very good.
852
00:41:11,640 --> 00:41:12,920
{\an8}Three. Oh, man.
853
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:15,080
Four.
854
00:41:15,120 --> 00:41:17,040
Now I'm just getting cocky.
Do I stop?
855
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:19,320
GUZ: No, don't stop cos
the energy's right. Is it?
856
00:41:19,360 --> 00:41:21,040
Yeah, yeah, 100%.
857
00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,840
Look... That's telling me to stop.
858
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,040
OK, she's stopping on four.
859
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:27,760
OK, so we're back with Desiree, who
has got four balloons to her name.
860
00:41:33,040 --> 00:41:34,800
Oh, it's a bad balloon! Oh, Dee!
861
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,960
There's only three players
left in the game.
862
00:41:41,000 --> 00:41:42,280
Guz in the lead with eight.
863
00:41:42,320 --> 00:41:43,320
It's Alan to play.
864
00:41:44,760 --> 00:41:46,320
Oh. Two. Oh! It's a double pop.
865
00:41:46,360 --> 00:41:48,400
{\an8}He's got into the lead
with nine there.
866
00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:49,680
{\an8}It's another double pop.
867
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:56,560
I'm out. He's out.
868
00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:04,080
Ooh!
869
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:05,280
It's a double.
870
00:42:06,400 --> 00:42:07,400
That is darts.
871
00:42:10,520 --> 00:42:12,920
Whoa, that dart did hit a camera.
We're on four now.
872
00:42:12,960 --> 00:42:13,960
Four cameramen?
873
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:19,280
Five. Right, that's it.
So, Alan, you're two behind Guz.
874
00:42:27,560 --> 00:42:28,880
Argh!
875
00:42:28,920 --> 00:42:30,840
It's a bad balloon.
He crashed it out.
876
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:32,720
Oh, I grazed it and it still... Oh!
877
00:42:32,760 --> 00:42:36,240
His 27th balloon was a bad balloon,
so it's Guz versus Morgana.
878
00:42:36,280 --> 00:42:40,040
Guz is on 18, Morgana just nine,
so it's some tactics at play here.
879
00:42:40,080 --> 00:42:42,560
Please bring your hedgehog
to the table.
880
00:42:42,600 --> 00:42:45,560
Two very different approaches.
881
00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:52,000
VICTORIA: This is madness!
882
00:42:53,560 --> 00:42:55,280
You've done three.
883
00:42:55,320 --> 00:42:57,040
Four. You're still going?
884
00:42:59,880 --> 00:43:00,880
Five.
885
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:05,360
Six. You're now on 24 balloons.
886
00:43:06,960 --> 00:43:08,440
Just two behind Alan now.
887
00:43:10,520 --> 00:43:13,520
You're not thinking it through, Guz.
He dances so close to the flame.
888
00:43:13,560 --> 00:43:14,640
Think it through.
889
00:43:19,880 --> 00:43:21,800
He's walking away,
he's walking away.
890
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,040
OK, you're on nine, Morgana,
Guz on 24.
891
00:43:24,080 --> 00:43:26,320
You need to throw a few darts here.
892
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:27,600
Too bad!
893
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:30,000
Lovely.
894
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:38,800
No. I'm done. OK, she's stopped,
so, Guz, you're on 24.
895
00:43:38,840 --> 00:43:40,720
Tactical. Morgana is on 11.
896
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:42,040
What are you doing to do, Guz?
897
00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:43,400
You must burst at least one.
898
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,200
Blood pressure's gone here.
I can feel it.
899
00:43:47,240 --> 00:43:48,576
It's got to be one and out,
hasn't it?
900
00:43:48,600 --> 00:43:50,160
That's what I'm
saying inside my head.
901
00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:52,360
You're saying it outside your head,
I think, Greg.
902
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:54,080
{\an1}LAUGHTER
903
00:44:01,240 --> 00:44:02,800
Ooh!
904
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:03,960
That is darts!
905
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,360
ALAN: That was a double as well.
He's on 26.
906
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:09,200
Lovely.
907
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:11,360
Yes. Ooh!
908
00:44:16,200 --> 00:44:18,560
Oh! It's a bad balloon.
909
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:24,760
That is... absolutely gut-wrenching.
910
00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:27,800
Come down here and
we'll add that to the final scores.
911
00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:34,120
Lovely darts. What a game!
912
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:36,160
Whoo! What a game.
913
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:38,280
I was on the edge of my throne. Ooh!
914
00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,440
Yes, I mean, they really burst
some good and bad balloons.
915
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:45,920
Victoria only burst three good
balloons in the end,
916
00:44:45,960 --> 00:44:47,200
so she gets one point.
917
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:49,136
Desiree burst four good balloons,
she gets two points.
918
00:44:49,160 --> 00:44:51,600
Morgana 14 good balloons,
three points.
919
00:44:51,640 --> 00:44:54,600
Alan gets four points
for his 26 good balloons.
920
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:57,560
But the winner of ten whole points
is Guz Khan.
921
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:58,600
Took it.
922
00:44:59,680 --> 00:45:00,920
Deserved it.
923
00:45:02,000 --> 00:45:04,160
And I can tell you how that
affects the series scores
924
00:45:04,200 --> 00:45:06,160
at the halfway stage of the series.
925
00:45:06,200 --> 00:45:08,520
I'm feeling good.
Victoria, yes, you should feel good.
926
00:45:08,560 --> 00:45:10,120
You've got 64 points.
927
00:45:10,160 --> 00:45:12,240
Ooh!Go on. APPLAUSE
928
00:45:12,280 --> 00:45:14,920
And Desiree is on 76,
929
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:16,480
Alan on 80,
930
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:17,800
Morgana on 82,
931
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:19,920
but thanks to that
good balloon popping,
932
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:21,480
Guz is in the lead with 83.
933
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:24,960
Ooh! Very close. Very close.
934
00:45:27,440 --> 00:45:31,520
And in this particular episode,
Guz won with 21 points.
935
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:32,720
There it is!
936
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:37,680
Guz Khan wins. Please go and gather
your elegant gear.
937
00:45:41,440 --> 00:45:43,720
So what have we learnt today?
938
00:45:43,760 --> 00:45:49,120
Well, after 100 shows, I've at last
learnt that I've misjudged Alex.
939
00:45:49,160 --> 00:45:53,320
He works so hard, he's so creative,
he's so loyal, so nice,
940
00:45:53,360 --> 00:45:55,680
and I just throw it back
in his face.
941
00:45:55,720 --> 00:45:58,920
So to mark today,
I wanted to rip up the past
942
00:45:58,960 --> 00:46:00,680
and start afresh, old friend.
943
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:03,840
I've got you a little card
just to...
944
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,000
You can see it for yourself,
just to say thank you.
945
00:46:06,040 --> 00:46:08,000
Oh, Greg!
946
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:09,120
Well, thank you.
947
00:46:10,240 --> 00:46:13,160
It says, "I look like
a big human shrew."
948
00:46:13,200 --> 00:46:15,160
That's the 100th show done.
949
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:19,240
Well done, everybody, and well done
to the person that won this episode.
950
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:21,200
It's Guz Khan.
951
00:46:47,240 --> 00:46:48,880
Freshly laundered!
952
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:50,840
{\an8}Subtitles by Red Bee Media